Getting Happy... when you wish you were dead

"Hall. Time for court."

The shackles go on my wrists and ankles.

William Paternost is in the courtroom when I arrive.

"This is probably going to be straightforward. Since this is the second violation of the order of protection, the state's attorney is entitled to ask for a psych evaluation and he likely will."

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"You remain in custody until the evaluation is done, and the results arrive at the state's attorney's office. Once they have the results, we schedule another hearing to determine whether you can be released on bail. So there probably won't be anything for you to say or do today."

Then he walked away; assembly line law enforcement.

The state's attorney asked for a psych evaluation.

I felt like a door stop. I was just something to be moved from place to place, and used to serve the purposes of other people. Giving up all hope for justice settled into me between last night and today. It is truly not personal for anyone involved; except for Maria and me. They have no interest in anything beyond doing their jobs.

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