Getting Happy... when you wish you were dead

Day 90 – Friday, 8 Feb

I started reading William Glasser’s Reality Therapy in Action. Matthew Parks told me about him, and his approach seems to line up with mine.

I’ve been using the motto “Cranium Ex Rectum” for years and people seem to genuinely like it. Yes, I’m telling people to pull their heads out of their arses, but I also do it with genuine compassion mixed with just enough sternness to get attention. So I very much like Dr. Glasser’s approach of taking responsibility for what I choose to feel.

Sometimes that’s hard just because my emotions are swinging between great big arcs and zigzags.

When I start blaming Maria I also start thinking about how unfair all of this is. Then I pull back from blaming and try to only deal with the things I’ve said and done. That’s hard, and a little frustrating, but it draws out softer emotions.

The last thing I want is to ever hate Maria or even get revenge, but sometimes that’s how I feel. We might never be together again, yet it’s good to know I’m okay for wishing her well and wanting the best for all of us.

Maybe part of what’s needed is some time and distance from the situation. The idea that “time heals all wounds” is crap, but it does take time for a wound to heal enough that touching it stops being agony.

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