Getting Happy... when you wish you were dead

Day 84 – Saturday, 2 Feb

The first draft of the Kickstarter plan was finished today. It’s very satisfying to have this done because it means I’m making real progress toward achieving the goal of publishing Getting Happy...when you wish you were dead. At the same time, I’m a little timid and self-conscious because I’ll be asking people to support a project when I’m really about as low as I’ve ever been.

I'm homeless, have an order of protection against me, have been arrested, and have been committed to a psychiatric facility. My business had ceased to exist, I was being divorced, and a lot of people were telling me I was no good. That's a far cry from coming home with six new clients, and looking forward to a quarter million dollars in first year billings.

Today was 84 days. In less than three months, I had gone from the pinnacle of my business success to being the dregs of society. Today, I feel myself standing at the bottom of a deep, barren, lonely canyon.

With a first draft of the Kickstarter plan finished, encouragement from Ben Fields, and daily support from PADS volunteers, I also feel relief. I can finally see a path that just might lead me up and out of the canyon. I feel encouraged because I know it is my choice to keep working, to keep trying, to want to find a success.

There are a lot of folks at PADS who are being very supportive. They consistently encourage me to keep working on the project, and I trust God to help me make this a book that touches people’s lives.

I’m also a little sad. This is the kind of thing I really wanted to do with Maria and the kids. I love them, and they have so much to share because they’ve lost their dad, plus Maria and I have very similar childhoods. I wish we could be together for this.

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