Day 49 – Saturday, 29 Dec

I get my first prescription for Ritalin filled. It cost $4. There’s only a 15 day supply – enough to get me through until I see Cosmé at his office.

I start putting together details for a Kickstarter.com campaign. This is how I originally planned to get Getting Happy...when you wish you were dead published.

On the one hand, I feel defeated because I’m back on Ritalin. I am fortunate that most of the ADD symptoms can be controlled with a careful combination of diet, exercise and rest. This came apart during our marriage, and I cannot re-establish my routine while in PADS. So the Ritalin is necessary, though unwelcome.

On the other hand, I have a vision and the plan for achieving it. I want to find teenagers who are as I once was, and keep them from travelling the dark paths I have walked. Talking with Cosmé, I’ve realised that Getting Happy...when you wish you were dead can help a lot of people. Perhaps God gave me my history – especially these days of divorce, disgrace, anger and anguish – to make me into someone who can honestly help others.

People have always sort of laughed at my motto of Cranium Ex Rectum. But in a world where no one expects to be held accountable, maybe it’s time for someone to say “Pull your head out of your arse” and take responsibility for yourself. That’s what Getting Happy is all about – shedding the guilt other people want to pile on me while taking full responsibility for what I have done. It’s making me a better, happier man.

I pray that one day I’ll be able to share this with someone who becomes my wife.