Day 46 – Wednesday, 26 Dec

I’m released from Silver Cross Hospital and return to Springfield, IL. It’s a relief to have my freedom. As productive as the days at Silver Cross were – and they were – I was still confined. It’s hard to believe that a few weeks ago (before jail and psychiatric confinement) I never really thought to thank God for being free. It’s so true that losing a thing sometimes makes you appreciate it more when you get it back.

Going back into PADS is a little frightening. Having experience the reaction of volunteers and guests after being in jail – it didn’t matter that I was jailed for telling Maria I love her – I’m afraid for how they’ll react to me now.

Cosmé’s advice is still in my ears: Keep focussed on your own progress and doing what’s necessary to be happy each day. It makes me determined to write Getting Happy...when you wish you were dead. I’m convinced sharing my experience can help other people have an easier time of it.

Still, I wish I could go back to the safety and security of Silver Cross – even though it means having less freedom. I wish I could hold Maria and share my passion, fears and ambition with her.